BLOG ARCHIVE
In the workplace—brevity good; clarity better
I recently caught a rerun of an episode from the US version of the sitcom The Office. It’s the one that starts with Kevin talking in a caveman-sounding, rudimentary language that he’s using to “save time.” Needless to say, it doesn't go well or last very...
Emotionally intelligent email? Yes, think about it!
When you think of exhibiting emotional intelligence at work, you probably think about the elements of your face-to-face interactions—like being aware of body language, using active listening, showing empathy—more than about what you're doing in your email...
OK, so you give positive feedback, but is it any good?
Most of us dread having to give tough, constructive feedback—whether it's to a peer or to someone who reports to us. We feel uncomfortable delivering it, they feel uncomfortable hearing it, and we believe that the problem lies in the fact that we're...
They said WHAT? Get a second opinion on that “nasty” message
We've all gotten those emails or text messages that we interpret as unprofessional, impolite, or just downright nasty. They make us wince and ask ourselves: Did this person really just write this to me? Who do they think they are? In fact, they make us...
You can’t always resolve conflict, but you should always feel good about how you handle it
It's a fact: you can't avoid conflict, even if you try. And however it ends up finding you, you can't always resolve it effectively. Recently, I ran into some conflict in my professional life that I couldn't resolve. As I reflect on what happened, I'd like...
Great presentation content is mostly about them… and a little bit about you
I was recently helping a client organize a presentation she wanted to give to a group of business owners for a lunch 'n' learn type of event. Let's call her Sylvia. Throughout the time Sylvia and I worked on her presentation, I kept emphasizing two points...
And this is relevant to me how?
If you want people to care about what you're telling them, frame it in a way that's relevant to them. Whether you're telling a story, writing an email, or pitching an idea, if you don't tell people why you think they should care, they'll likely tune you...
Want to get what you want in 2018? Ask for it!
Sometimes we feel so strongly about something we want for ourselves in our work lives, that we assume we've been more than clear about it to those around us. Whether it's a promotion, a raise, or your prospective client's business, how could people not...
2 Game-changing words to improve communication
"Yes, AND..." I know—that 2-word phrase sounds like it could be a sassy comeback from a teenager, but it's not. Hear me out. I ran across an article from Workforce.com recently that talks about a concept from improv (as in theatrical...
Communicate authentically—OK, but how?
In an MBA class I teach for the University of North Carolina on business communication, I ask my students to identify the characteristics of strong executive presence. Every time, they identify something along the lines of "I don't know, they seem...
Wait, that’s not what the subject line said!
The non-verbals of email: Including a relevant subject line Email is definitely a verbal medium. After all, we get most of the information in an email from the words the writer uses. Still, you can communicate quite a bit of information in an email...
The secret to a life of meaningful small talk
Small talk: Who needs it, right?! Well... we all do. I was born hating small talk. HATING IT!!! As a kid growing up, I'd say: "Oh my gawd, why do I need to engage in it? Why can't we just talk about whatever we need to talk about? It'd be SO much...
In communicating, don’t just talk—listen!
When most people think of getting good at communicating in business, they think of coming up with the right things to say, write, or present. OK yes, that's important—but it's missing half the picture. As obvious as it may sound when I say that good...
In email, don’t just tell me—paint me a picture!
Words matter—they absolutely do. But images can work so much more efficiently than words (and even numbers!) when it comes to conveying key information in business. Let's see if you agree. Which of these can you process and remember most easily?...
Are they not hearing you? Make them listen!
There's no question: Some people just aren't going to be interested in what you're saying, no matter what—and that's their issue. But if people aren't listening, or if you're not connecting with them when you communicate, you shouldn't automatically assume...
Boy, that feedback stinks!
I spend a lot of time helping clients hone their feedback delivery skills. And while I share with them a model of putting together and communicating thoughtful feedback for the receiver's benefit, we don't usually spend very much time talking...
Don’t try to be a comedian—just present like one
Most people of "a certain age" (a group that includes me) are familiar with the work of comedian/actor/Academy Awards host Steve Martin (not the gentleman pictured above, by the way). And if you know that I usually blog about business communication, you...
This one tip will have the greatest impact on your communication
As a communication coach, I get asked for tips to communicate more effectively at work. While I resist doling out one-size-fits-all advice, I've found there is one thing that helps many of my clients improve their communication and that I'm comfortable saying to most...
Want a more dynamic career? Public speaking is for you
Public speaking offers great career opportunities. First of all, with so many people fearful of the “limelight," you have an opening to fill a market demand. But also, public speaking provides opportunities for people to get to know you, your business, and your brand....
Mind your tone: Do you know how your emails sound?
Tone is one of those things we often don't think about when sending email, but we really should. The fact is that whether you intend to strike a particular tone or not, your reader will perceive one. In that sense, tone is like your reputation: whether you know what...
Afraid of conflict? You’re probably missing out!
One of the most common themes that comes up during the 360 feedback debriefs I do with clients is conflict avoidance. Why do you think that is? The folks I coach are often on a leadership track in their organizations, and my theory is that most of them aren't just...
Save yourself from death-by-meeting: 2 tips
How often have you heard someone say: "Man, I'm in back-to-back meetings all day today!" The sad thing is that it's often not hyperbole. In corporate America and other circles, people book themselves and others for, what is by any measure, too many...
To emoji at work or not to emoji—that is the question
More and more, our work and non-work lives seem to intertwine, prompting us to ask ourselves some important questions. For example, should we dress, speak, text, and email at work like we do when we're not at work? The way we text (or txt) and email our...
If it bears repeating, it bears repeating
In business communication, while some repetition works extremely well to get your message across, too much of it makes you sound "repetitive" to your audience. Striking the right balance for repetition is something you might need to develop an ear for, but...
Not saying some little things can make a big difference
Public speaking represents a common fear among my clients (and, let's face it, the general population). As a coach, I prepare my clients for their big pitches and presentations by talking about their presentation structure and how to best engage an...
Team presentations: Kill it like a smokin’ jazz group
Have you ever attended a workshop, training, or presentation where more than one person presented related content? If so, you know that the level of integration between the presenters can vary and that the teams who do it well find a way to weave a common...
Don’t let them doubt that you own it: stop using passive voice
A big part of being more effective in the work you do involves developing your emotional intelligence. I recently read this article by Larry Kim that suggests 5 "hacks" to sharpen your emotional intelligence, and one of them involves being more...
The Presentation Sandwich: Make it good to the last bite
In last week’s article, I discussed the effectiveness of the "information sandwich" and how it relates to your workplace emails. This week, I encourage you to use the sandwich model for your presentations because the same rules apply: Tell them what...
The Story Sandwich: Remember to set the table
In recent blogs, I discussed the concept of the "information sandwich" and specifically the importance of getting right to the point in your emails and having a good closing for your presentations. In this blog, I'd like to address how to apply the...
The Information Sandwich: It’s the good stuff for work
Whatever your opinion about eating carbohydrates happens to be, there's something appealingly simple about a sandwich, isn't there? You got your two pieces of bread and some main "stuff" that you're meant to consume—simple. In business communication, I...
When you negotiate, know why you need your orange
When I work with clients on improving their negotiation skills, I often tell them about the "orange story" from the book Getting to Yes, which essentially goes like this: Two kids say they need an orange but find that there's only one orange left....
In communicating, put most of your effort into connecting
This week I’d like to share with you a Forbes article that features important tips to help improve your workplace communication. It centers around advice from Anne Ricketts, a communication coach from the Bay Area. As I often tell my clients, connection is...
Are you afraid of leaving awkward silence? Don’t be.
I had a guitar teacher who once who told me that the notes you play during a solo are just as important as the silences you play. I remember that my first thought was: “Wait, what do you mean ‘play a silence’? Isn’t silence just something that happens when I’m not...
Should you communicate differently with Millennials at work? Maybe a little.
I deliver workshops about generational differences in the workplace, and the question from Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers that always comes up is: "What's the best way to communicate with Millennials at work?" It's a bit of a loaded question in that it implies that...
What are public speaking skills worth? Apparently 50% more earnings
Warren Buffett was speaking to a group of students at Columbia University back in 2012 about the value of public speaking to a professional's earning potential. But he didn't say that the value of public speaking skills is "incalculable" or "immeasurable." In the...
Be a leader: Elevate your work communication culture
I help my clients to communicate more effectively by using some best practices that often go against the established communication culture at many places of work. Whether it's about getting rid of text-heavy slides in their presentations or eliminating passive voice...
If good communication = good business, then bad communication…
When I work with clients to debrief their leadership assessments, 9 times out of 10 they identify communication as one of the competencies that they most need to improve as professionals. And as important as they acknowledge communication to be, when they're in the...
Want to add more value in meetings? Think different
I worked with a client once who felt uncomfortable sharing her opinion at meetings—especially ones with people above her in the organizational chart. She said that she typically felt OK if she had a well-thought out opinion that she had researched and could back up...
The trick to being persuasive? It’s about the audience, silly!
If you want to lead and make great things happen at work—whether it's bringing in new business, creating change in your organization, or something else—you need to communicate persuasively to get others to follow you. So what's the best way to persuade? Well, that...
They won’t ‘get you’ if you don’t speak their language
Have you ever had the experience of talking to someone and realizing they're not 'getting' what you're saying? I'm not talking about being a tourist in a country where you don't speak the native tongue. I'm talking about explaining something in a work environment and...
How to build trust at work: Tell a personal story
Recently I've been thinking a lot about trust in the workplace. I like the model in R. John Young's book The Five Essential Leadership Questions in which he proposes that an organization can't sustain top performance unless it's built on a solid foundation of...
Nervous about public speaking? Channel your inner rock star!
I sometimes work with clients who feel absolutely uncomfortable speaking in a public forum at work. Whether it's giving a presentation or providing an update at a staff meeting, they've tried everything they know to shake the nerves and anxiety, but nothing works. But...
3 Keys to a good workplace apology
Many people find it hard to give feedback to others at work. It can be tough to summon the courage to give it, and you have to do it right for it to land as you intend. If nothing else, it can just feel "awkward." Recently, as I read an article from...
Don’t avoid a difficult work conversation. Reframe it.
How much time do you waste avoiding difficult conversations? Maybe it's talking to a co-worker who's not pulling his weight. Maybe it's talking to your boss about having her assign you work that's more aligned with the organization's mission. Or maybe it's figuring...
Should women “man up” to be successful at work?
Well, let's get the answer to this question out of the way quickly. That's a big, honkin' NO. Women in the workplace should NOT be—or try to be—more like men. But while the answer to that question is easy, the overall topic of women in the workplace is a bit...
Don’t avoid conflict. Practice it!
Conflict in a team is a sign of business communication gone wrong, right? Not necessarily. Yes, sure—some conflict is toxic. And yes, most people avoid conflict, but the highest performing business teams have learned to use conflict constructively to create optimal...
Are you creating the conditions for a cooperative negotiation?
So often when we enter a negotiation, we're pretty much obsessed with the outcome WE are hoping to get. We've done our homework, so we know the number (or whatever it is) we're trying to reach, and if we've been extra diligent, we also know our BATNA (Best Alternative...
“Informational Interview” your way to your dream career
Have you heard about informational interviewing? It's what you do before you decide to really go for that next job. It's a great tool that I teach many of my clients how to use—even those who aren't actively looking for a job. Here's the short of it: Before you...
Speaking up at work even when it’s uncomfortable
Speaking up at work is so important! If you and others don't speak up, then you're not providing the value that your company or your customers are paying you for. Even more importantly, bad things happen when people don't speak up. Shoddy work gets done. Mistakes go...
Oh joy, feedback I didn’t want. Thanks for the gift!
In this season of giving, we can take stock of how we've done this past year by accepting the "gift" of feedback. Are you kidding me? Feedback? A gift? Yes, a gift in more ways than one. Sometimes it's like that perfect gift: Oh my gosh, how did you know?...
How to communicate with a boss who doesn’t have time for you
I was listening to a National Public Radio piece recently about employees who don't get along with their boss. The piece cited a Gallup study that found that 50% of US employees have left a job to get away from their manager. Yes, half! Anyway, it got me thinking how...
Negotiation lessons from the car dealership
My wife and I had occasion to shop for a new car recently, and she happily handed the reins of the negotiation process over to me. I gladly took on the responsibility, not because I'm a natural born negotiator—although I guess I hate it less than the average...
Need to break a bad communication habit? Don’t just “focus on it”
I've been debriefing a lot of 360-degree assessments recently, which means I've been talking to clients about their blind spots and things they want to work on—especially around the area of workplace communication. And in those debriefs, when we get to the part of the...
Want to “win” your salary negotiation? Increase the size of the pie
I help many of my clients prepare for what's often their least favorite business communication event: a salary negotiation. And whether it's related to a new job offer or to an upcoming performance review, they want help because they have one main fear...
How to deliver conversational sounding presentations
How do some people sound so conversational when they're presenting while the rest of look and sound like we're hating every second of it? They appear genuine, approachable, and persuasive; and we appear tense, dull, and rehearsed—it doesn't seem fair! Should...
The key to handling conflict at work: Listen!
I often coach clients around giving and receiving feedback in the workplace, which already represents a tough enough conversation for most of us. Throw a dose of conflict into a work conversation, though, and it's usually enough to send people running in avoidance....
Get to the point of your email, please!
Are you familiar with the pain of reading emails that take too long to get to the point? Or maybe you're writing those emails yourself and want to stop! In this article I'll show you how to get to the point of your email messages quickly so that your audience...
NFL to Broadway: 3 lessons from an improbable career journey
I confess: I'm not the world's biggest American football fan, and up until a few weeks ago, I didn't know who Eddie George was. But when I heard his story, it immediately resonated with me for the lessons it teaches about following your own, unique path on your career...
How to make ‘your story’ a great story
Let's say you've set up a networking meeting or an informational interview with someone you're interested in talking to. Pretty soon after you start talking, they're going to say something like: "So, what do you do?" or "Tell me a little bit about yourself." ...
Should I follow my passion or maintain my standard of living?
One of the questions I get asked most often when people learn that I left a relatively "cushy" corporate job to do career and communication coaching is: What advice would you give someone who'd like to follow their passion but is concerned about the financial...
Stop boring people with your story
I realize the title of this article sounds harsh and accusatory, but I wanted to grab your attention—something you want your story to do, by the way. But what I really want you to think about is how you can start making your story—and really ANY story—more efficient...
If you’re stuck in a work rut, stop focusing on the problem
Have you ever been felt stuck in a work situation? You were hoping that things would improve but eventually came to the realization that it's just the way it is. What's worse, you just can't see how you can get out of that situation. That's a horrible...
5 Networking tips for people who hate to network
I often hear from my coaching clients how painful networking is for them when they're trying to look for that next job or advance their careers. Sometimes networking is painful for them because they're introverts and they see it as something that taxes their...
Hate feeling like you’re not doing enough? Change the question
Recently I was getting over a nasty cold that absolutely knocked me out for a couple days. And during the times I lie in bed—out of commission and feeling physically horrible—this thought crossed my mind a few times: Oh my gosh, what am I neglecting to do right...
2 Questions to get you out of your “wait and see” holding pattern
How often do you put yourself in a "wait and see" frame of mind because you think that "it'll be really telling" if someone at work ends up doing or not doing something? As in: ¨It'll be really telling what my boss gives me for a raise this year," or ...
This existential question will raise your communication game
We all get those emails at work—the ones that go on for several paragraphs, and when you get to the end, you still don't know why they emailed or what they want you to do. Communications like that are tough to get through, aren't they? Have you,...
What do you want to be when you grow up? You already know
When I tell people what I do as a coach, sometimes I say: "I help people figure out what they want to be when they grow up... at any age." That usually gets a smirk, and sometimes it elicits something like: "Hey, I'm grown up, and I don't really...
Not feeling thankful about your career? Try a little trust
This week in North America we celebrate Thanksgiving, and for my part, I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to spend time with my grandmother-in-law Loretta before she died earlier this month at the age of 102. That's quite a run, any way you measure it! ...
3 Reasons to welcome uncertainty in your career (Hint: It may be fun)
During a career management workshop I delivered recently for an MBA program, one of the students said something very interesting around the subject of being comfortable with "not knowing" that many of us could probably benefit from. As part of the workshop, I...
Maybe the grass in your work life is in fact green enough
When I tell people what I do for a living—help folks who don't enjoy what they do for work figure out what they really want to do 'when they grow up'—I get a variety of reactions. Some of the most common ones are: "Where were you a couple of years ago? I SO...
What daydreams tell you about the work you should be doing
Have you ever noticed what you daydream about when your work life isn't going so great? It can give you helpful clues about what you'd really like to do. A few years ago I was working my corporate job, and not loving it—in fact, feeling quite frustrated about...
The 3 reasons you’re not doing what you want to do for work
In an interview that musician Bob Dylan gave to a New York Daily News reporter in 1967, he said: A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do I happen to agree. While we can argue about...
What’s it like in your Work Life Swimming Pool?
In honor of the hot, HOT summer we've been having in Charlotte, North Carolina, I wanted to share a visualization that's often helpful to my coaching clients when we talk about exploring career options and strategizing next steps: The Work Life Swimming Pool...
Life is short: Start living with intention
I recently got some sad news. In fact, my entire high school graduating class of 1987 did. One of our former classmates died suddenly last week. He was in his mid/late 40s, and the cause of his death is unknown at this point. He was an incredibly talented...
How professionally independent are you?
This month, as the United States celebrates its national independence, I've been giving some thought to something I call professional independence. professional independence: the feeling that you can do what you want to do for work, regardless of circumstances...
Are your beliefs about work making you unhappy?
Lately I've been thinking about the strongly held beliefs we can have around the subject of work. Specifically the ones that creep in and wreak havoc with our peace of mind when we're not feeling particularly fulfilled at work. It's a good idea to identify...
Are you “completely mental” about worklife balance?
I recently read the memoir by actor/comedian Martin Short called I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend and found, unexpectedly, a model for worklife balance that's worth a closer look. The book delivers the details I expected to find about...
5 Transition Tips from a Quinceañera
I recently attended the Quinceañera party that my best friend from high school threw for his daughter Ceili (pronounced Kay-lee) and came away with valuable insight about how to effectively deal with significant transition. If you don’t know, a Quinceañera is a...
Great questions from a Mad Men performance review
My wife and I were hooked on the TV show Mad Men that just aired its series finale. In an episode from the final season, one of the main characters, Peggy Olson, is told that she has to fill out her own performance review, meaning that it’s viewed as just a...
How well do you know what you really want?
Often we live with a feeling of vague dissatisfaction. We achieve, we win, we climb the ladder, and still we may be in a sort of fog where it feels as if it's not enough. And perhaps this makes us feel guilty, or ungrateful, or uninspired. But there's a way...
Next-Level Question Exercise
During the next two weeks, think about something you know you want, and ask yourself the following question, at least three times: “When I get that, what will I have?” For example, if you're thinking you want a different job… Q: When I get a different job,...
What I learned from being fired
When I was 25 years old, after taking a year off from my engineering career to study music in Los Angeles, I went looking to re-enter the “working world”. I ended up getting a job in my home town of San Juan, Puerto Rico. But what sounded like a great situation at the...
Notice more, judge less, and make room for what you want
I like using the word “mindfulness”. Mindfulness is all about noticing your thoughts, your feelings, your body, your behavior. And here’s the key—and also the hard part: it's about noticing all those things without judgment. We all have thoughts, but many of us...
Three steps for framing up your vision
In a recent blog, I wrote about vision and how we can often start with a fuzzy, blurry, vague idea of what we want. And how that's OK. The important thing is to start creating some movement toward a vision of what we want, even if that vision is not fully in focus....
A foggy vision: not a bad place to start
People think of starting businesses for all sorts of reasons. You might think it represents the freedom to work only the hours you want. Or the possibility of unlimited earning potential. Or you might have a vision of “working for yourself” and “being your own boss”,...
Anchors Away: are the ideas you’re anchored to helping or hurting?
In business, anchoring is a form of bias. It represents something you understand to be true, but you’re not quite sure why or how you got to that understanding. Usually it involves assigning some sort of value. In business it’s usually a monetary value, but in...
Feeling stuck? Allow yourself to need help
Whether you’re in business for yourself, or working for someone else, there’s no shortage of ways to feel stuck. Maybe you’re spinning your wheels on that process improvement project that your manager recommended you take on to increase your “visibility” during...
Need to move past analysis paralysis? Take account of your assets
Do you ever feel like you can't make a decision because you don't have all the information, or 100% certainty that you'll get the outcome you're hoping for? If you could only have more time, collect more data, get another opinion... You could be suffering from...
We sometimes ALWAYS need to see things more clearly
Business is about making the right decisions that will make you money. And most successful business people focus on facts and data to make decisions. If you’re managing a big public corporation, you look at your stock price. If you’re managing a project, you look at...
Career Talk with Banker Turned Artist Jen Walls
Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with mixed media artist Jen Walls to talk about her transition into the world of art. Jen, a former banking industry executive who left Corporate America to raise a family, has found a way to access the joy of creating...
Want an evidence-based trick to improve your outlook at work?
Some people come to me looking for coaching because they think they need an entirely new career. And some of those people really do, but others might just need a tweak in their outlook. And I'm not talking about "just think positive", or "if you get lemons,...
Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t
So many of us have been, at one point or another, dissatisfied with some aspect of our lives—whether it be our job, some part of our family life, our health, or our financial situation. And probably the first thought that comes to mind, when we feel pain related to a...
What Grown-Ups Can Learn From Summer Camp – Part 2
Earlier this summer I had the chance to pick up my 14-year old niece Adriana from a 3-week summer camp session in the mountains of North Carolina. Talking with her about her experience at camp spurred some thoughts that I wanted to share. In Part 1 of this...
Do You Know Your Purpose? – Part 3
Having a Personal Purpose Statement is the best way to make sure your life, work, and the ways you spend your time are aligned with that Purpose. In Part 1 and Part 2 of this "Purpose" series, I discussed how satisfied and fulfilled we feel when we're "on...
What Grown-Ups Can Learn From Summer Camp – Part 1
A few weeks ago I had the chance to pick up my 14-year old niece Adriana from a 3-week summer camp session in the mountains of North Carolina. Talking with her about her experience at camp, and her re-entry back into “reality” spurred some thoughts that I wanted to...
Does How You Walk Reflect How You Live?
I recently attended a coaching retreat where, at one point, we were invited to take 40 minutes to go outside, take a walk, and consider the following question: "What impact do you wish to have on the world?" The only other instructions were: (1) be by...
Do You Know Your Purpose? – Part 2
In a Part 1 of this blog series, I talked about the concept of Purpose. How we all have a unique Purpose, and how it's to do what makes us feel truly fulfilled and satisfied in life. Today, I want to delve a little deeper into Purpose—what it is and why it could be...
“Liking” on Facebook: A Gateway to Mindfulness?
I've been recently thinking more deeply than usual about the "Liking" phenomenon (as in "Like Us on Facebook"). So you have an idea of where I'm coming from in all this, I'll say I'm not one to go around "Liking" everybody's photos or updates on social media. In fact,...
Get Used to Coming Home Happy and Fulfilled
Far be it from me to say that Doug and Carrie Heffernan, the main married couple of the sitcom King of Queens, should serve as role models—even if watching reruns of that show is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Still, every now and then Doug and Carrie can give...
Do You Know Your Purpose? – Part 1
I talk a lot about Purpose in my coaching. Not too long ago, I was talking with a friend of mine about the tagline Shift Into Purpose that I use for my coaching business. She told me, “I’m not sure I like that tagline because... what are you saying, that I have no...